Total Pageviews

Tuesday, June 29, 2021

Halston: A Life in Search of a Narrative Arc

Halston Netflix Movie, Halston Documentary, Halston psychology, psychoanalysis of Halston 



 


Halston is a Netflix series casting Roy Halston Frowick (Ewan McGregor), the man who became Halston, as a victim of his addictions to cocaine and sex, but more centrally as a victim to corporate greed.  While I think there is merit to this narrative – and not a little truth, the documentary made a few years earlier, also called Halston, tells a more complex tale, one that suggests a bio pic could have interpreted Halston’s life in various ways.

I took some likely well deserved heat from a reluctant friend of mine for writing about Ray Kroc based on his portrayal in the movie The Founder.  My weak rejoinder to her was that I was interpreting the movie.  I, in fact, knew very little beyond the movie about Kroc and his life.

With Halston, I have the documentary to provide some balance.  If you have seen the Netflix film and haven’t seen the documentary, I recommend it, if only because it includes images of the original dresses that Halston created at the height of his powers worn by the models in his shows – and they are truly remarkable.  The copies in the Netflix film pale in comparison, even though the Netflix film does a nice job of explaining the artistry that went into their creation.

Halston began his career as a milliner.  He made hats for his mother – in part to assuage her pain when her drunken husband abused her.  His wish to clothe her is a thread that runs through the series, but I think it one that could have been amplified and could have taken the narrative in very different directions.

Halston designed Jackie Kennedy’s pill box hat for Jack’s inauguration, and that could have been a trap for Halston – and for a short while it was what he was known for.  Women of a certain rank wanted a hat from Jackie’s milliner.  Fortunately (or not – the biopic could have been made as a Greek tragedy, pointing out how Halston’s character leads to his inexorable fall, but it was more in the American tragedy vein – where the fault lies in the culture he inhabits) hats went out of fashion, and Halston worked on becoming first a couturier, and then a purveyor of fashion to the masses.

The Netflix series; however, ends up feeling to me like a failed psychoanalysis.  This doesn’t mean that a lot of good work isn’t done – it is, generally, in my experience, in a failed analysis and certainly in this series.  In a psychoanalysis, as opposed to a psychotherapy, one’s entire life is in play – or should be.  And, because we are dealing with something as complex as an entire life, there are all kinds of narratives, themes and material that emerge - creating a swirling, messy, internally inconsistent landscape that can feel, at times, more like a Turner than a Constable landscape and that can, at times, veer towards being more like a Jackson Pollock canvas than anything representational at all.

The analytic process, like the work of the playwright or the film director, identifies themes and brings some organization to the chaotic process that is our lives.  The challenge to the playwright and to the analytic pair is to organize without reducing.  And we can err on either side.  Where The Founder may have erred on the side of reducing (and my post followed the writer/director down that rabbit hole), the failure of the Netflix series may be in allowing the threads of Halston’s complicated life to have remained raw, exposed, and never quite organized enough that they can be reduced enough that we can appreciate or hang onto the person that he was.

The first episode of the Netflix series

A lot gets packed into this episode.  We have Halston’s childhood care for his mother, Jackie’s pillbox hat, and his break away from Bergdorf Goodman (where he made his hats) to building his own haute couture shop with a team that includes a group that he sees as misfits who find a home together.  He has his first designing failure – a show that sells not a single dress – and his first success – the use of microsuede in a trench coat that goes viral. 

Halston meets Liza Minelli (Krysta Rodriguez) and designs a dress for her – and they bond over having been determined by their past connections with powerful women – Liza by Judy and Halston by Jackie.  This interaction introduces us to the sweet and vulnerable part of Halston – who can connect with Liza, but also with all of the women who come to his richly textured lair. Halston’s interactions with his team, on the other hand, where is mercilessly cruel helps us see his more sadistic side.  Here, the sadism is balanced by a delicately empathic connection to his junior partner (when he is not mercilessly berating him).  He has a lovely connection with his first, sympathetic lover – but then expresses disdain towards him before replacing him with the crass and sadistic lover Victor Hugo (Gian Franco Rodriguez).

The transition between charming and cruel is dramatized as Halston works on his own signature look and sound.  He dons a black turtleneck, dark glasses, slicks his hair back, and affects an accent that, unlike the Indiana twang that would suggest the vulnerability of a country boy in the city, exudes the confidence and unapproachability of the all-knowing, cultured genius.

Psychoanalytically, what is happening here is that the vulnerability is being repressed – buried under the cultured veneer; and the anger – the disruptive fury that is part reaction to and part identification with his father and all the other bullies he has confronted, is projected – or more precisely carried by projective identification – into the person of the second lover, the boorish presence that is never owned or acknowledged by Halston, but always there – seemingly like a stone around his neck, but more secretly maintaining a connection with the hated father – whose love he so desperately craves.  

To unpack that last sentence a little bit: Halston contains within his character both the vulnerable and abused little boy/rube from Indiana and the sadistic, hateful father figure/homophobic tormentors of his youth.  Part of how Halston experiences love is feeling hated (I am hypothesizing).  He knows that his father loves him.  We could even posit something really complex – that his tormentors are not just homophobic, but drawn to and repulsed by their fascination with homosexuality.  Halston “hires” Victor Hugo to be the cruel person who will love him – but also hurt him.  Hugo will also be the rube that Halston can distance himself from by publicly disdaining Hugo and remaining aloof from him – as if he has no idea where this rube comes from or what he has to do with his regal self.

Episode 2


The band takes the show on the road.  They head to Europe for a benefit for Versailles where five American Designers take on Five French Designers to see who is king of the design hill (Three years later there would be a similar tiff to rate French vs Californian Wines depicted in Bottle Shock – in both cases those plucky Americans win hands down.  Ouch.  The French are now kings of neither fashion nor wine).  Halston is reluctant to go, in part because he needs to get his financial house in order.  Two birds get killed with one stone as fashion maven Eleanor Lambert steers him to a relationship with businessman David Mahoney (Bill Pullman). 

In this episode, Halston’s underlying vulnerability is more directly in evidence as he freaks out before the show and needs Liza’s soothing – she is there to star in a musical number that will be part of the show - to get back in there.  More centrally, he connects with Mahoney apparently for the dollars, but also for the unconditional and eternal support that he expects that Mahoney will give him (and that Mahoney promises).  That is a quite volatile mix – especially for someone with a very deep well of unmet needs.  How much stuff will be needed to fill or tap that well?  We will see that no amount of fame, cocaine, success and sex will quite do it.

I think this is one of the places where the analytic/tragic thread could have been woven in to good effect.  Yes, Halston is needy.  Yes he thinks that unlimited resources – corporate bucks – will help meet that need.  But what is the need, really?  When Halston set up his salon in the previous episode, one of the central things that set it apart, aside from his designs, was the kind of relationships that he built with his clients.  He wanted to provide for them what they did not receive elsewhere – he wanted to hear them and to connect with them.  I think this is reflected in the dresses he created.  The dresses create a platform for women to stand on and declare themselves.  From a male gaze perspective, the women look naked in the dresses he designed.  From an empowerment perspective, they allow them to be seen for who they are.  The dresses expose the women’s power by calling attention to the women wearing them, not to the dresses themselves.

I think it would have been possible to weave in the allure that Halston may have felt to giving this kind of platform to women everywhere – to women like his mother – whose allure he surely felt.  In the documentary, when he is announcing his partnership with J.C. Penney – something that will result from the relationship to Mahoney – he sounds quite convincing when he talks about J.C. Penney being the place that clothed his mother – and his wanting to create fashions for people like the people he grew up knowing in Indiana.  Halston’s megalomania for sex, cocaine, and fame seems to me to also be a megalomania focused on caring for not just the elite women – this was the goal of his mentor.  His goal is, I think, to provide succorance to all women.  Wow.  No small feat.  This, I think, could be the stuff of tragedy.

Episode 3

This is by far the best episode in the series.  In his first venture into mass marketing, Halston works with a perfumer, Adele (Vera Fermiga) to create a signature fragrance.  This is a fun episode.  We learn something about the art of perfuming – we need a top note – something floral and bright – Halston’s constant companions, orchids; we need a middle tone – shaving cream, Halston’s father’s stuff – a symbol of the love he yearns for and the man he would like to become fill that slot; and we need a bass – and here Halston brings his lover’s jockstrap and Adele gamely breaths it in – filled as it must be with musky tones.  These smells need to be in harmony and, at least according to this depiction, they should evoke something from the person who is smelling them, so they should be constructed from the memories of the creator.  It is as if, by rummaging in one’s own attic, one will find the nostalgic elements that others – even if they don’t know why – also desire.  We certainly have evidence for this in the ways that analysts have drawn on their own narrative histories to describe personality architectures – with the amazing generalizability that flows from the careful depiction of the particular. 

In addition to the scent, there is the package for the scent.  The bottle must be phallic – and Halston is stung when the design of his lead model, Elsa Peretti (Rebecca Dayan) is dismissed as missing the requisite phallic components.  Plus it will cost extra to produce it the way he wants.  “You business people always say the talent can’t pay, and yet we do, constantly, in ways you can never and will never understand,” he says as he writes a check to cover the costs of producing the bottle, something that they pay back when the perfume becomes a huge hit.

The success of the perfume fuels Halston’s entry into the world of Studio 54 and the cocaine fueled rush of the late 1970s.  We are poignantly treated to Halston discovering Victor Hugo having sex with another man overlooking the dance floor at the disco, and we realize that the intimacy – the closeness – that the perfume promises has eluded Halston.

There is something perhaps a bit over the top in the angst that Halston feels about each of the elements that he brings to Adele, but it is dramatically and, I think, psychologically resonant to see behind the curtain that Halston has constructed to protect himself to glimpse what it is that he is protecting.  This is the privilege of the therapist/analyst – to, at particular moments, inhabit the space that the patient protects and to help expand that space.  In this case, Adele helps Halston expand the space to include millions of women, and the men who enter the aroma cloud they create.  Halston is supporting women and seducing men – what could fit him better?

Halston continues, both with his dresses and with his perfume, to help women have the allure that they need to help men see them.  Halston is creating the promise of connection for others while failing to achieve it in his own life.  I also think there is something deeply poignant about the confines of gender roles that is being obliquely depicted.  Halston’s personal coolness is the masculine coolness of Clint Eastwood – the cool of being in control and having everything figured out.  That this cool is a veneer means that he is vulnerable to being exploited, and this is the arc that that final two episodes of the drama follow.

Episodes 4 and 5

I really didn’t want to watch the rest of this series.  I knew essentially nothing about Halston before watching this series.  I had come by this point in the series to feel deeply connected to him – and to appreciate clothing design as an art form in a way that I would never have expected to.  I think my definition of art was undergoing a transition as I worked to create space to include clothing (I keep wanting to write costume) design as part of it.  The writing was on the wall, though.  Halston was teetering.  He is not a household name now.  The end was near – and this being the 1980s in New York, it was almost certainly going to include AIDs.  Somehow the last two episodes salvaged something and they were an integral and important part of the series, but I wonder how much this had to with the writers and the director working together to avoid disappointing us too much, and, in the process, perhaps not allowing enough room for us to experience the catharsis we might have felt if this had become a Greek/Shakespearean tragedy.

Halston becomes more and more strung out on coke.  He comes to work later and later, and he is less and less productive, and he prevents others from doing work on lines that could keep things afloat.  If his name is on it, he wants to design it – whatever it is.  David Mahoney loses the ability to protect Halston when his strategy of buying the business that owns the Halston line (and the Halston name) is sniffed out by a competitor who outbids him by a hair, and now Halston has to answer to an accountant.  Personal expenses that were charged to the business (such as flying dinner into his house on Long Island from a New York restaurant) are no longer approved.  Ultimately the business is taken from him.

This is depicted in the film as being the result of corporate/frat boy politics.  If only Halston had the usual corporate appetites – for things like deep sea fishing and, presumably, golf, perhaps he could have survived, the film seems to be saying.  There is a kind of envious hatred that seems to be at play – as if it were Halston’s appetite for things – and particularly for queer things – that was his undoing.  The psychological desire – for love, for acceptance, but even more, to bestow love, seems to get lost.  So does Halston’s sadism and his own version of corporate control – where he throws a continual party that HE controls.

This is played out in the loss of relationships with those who have been closest to him as he alienates one after another of them, belittling their talent and accusing them of living off of the reflected glory that comes from his genius.  And even this seems contrived – the others feel less pain from his wrath than pity that he is thrashing.  We are in danger of joining them, especially when his name is stripped and he is forbidden to use it after being paid to leave the company.

The saving grace is an invitation from Martha Graham to design costumes for her dance company.  He re-engages with his art and becomes once more entranced by the human form and the ways in which it can move.  And this time he looks forward to hearing how the critics receive his work – and they rave about it.  So he uses this as his own platform to fly from New York to the west coast where he spends his few remaining days driving up and down the coast highway appreciating its beauty.

And it feels like we are left to pick up the pieces and put them together into a coherent narrative.  And I guess it is in this sense that this feels like a failed analysis.  There are questions at the end of every analysis.  And almost all analyses are terminated before the end of the patient’s life – so how that life will be lived out is a mystery.  But in a failed analysis, the analyst is left with a sense of uncertainty.  Not only is it uncertain how the analysand’s life will turn out, but it is uncertain how it has been stitched together. 

In a successful analysis, there is enough known about the person that there are multiple narrative arcs that support the life trajectory and the analyst and analysand can traverse them together, checking on them, elaborating on aspects of them, acknowledging that some aspects continue to be unknown.  And, at least in my own experience of my own analysis, continuing to fit pieces together, to make sense of who it is that I am – including how it is that the analysis itself fits into the structure that I have come to appreciate undergirds me.

Perhaps the failure of this series to create that kind of substructure is a mirror of the failure of Halston himself to do that.  Perhaps he was depleted – by drugs, by his own failure to integrate his ambitions with what he was truly capable of doing, and perhaps ultimately by his failure to introspect.  He remained focused, as so many artists are, on the surface – the surface of the cloth, how it draped, and how it moved with the person wearing it – and ultimately on the surface of the ocean – how the waves and the colors created a kind of awesome beauty – that he didn’t weave the kind of integrated story that might have allowed the threads to create a more coherent tapestry.

So I am left wondering whose job it is to do the weaving.  In my field, despite the inordinate attention we pay to training, it is ultimately the patient who is the best predictor of the outcome of a treatment.  Could it be that someone this complex outdoes the capacity of the writers to create a satisfying narrative?  Or is the dissatisfaction in the narrative a way of communicating something essential about the experience of the subject?  Was these something about Halston’s experience that was ultimately communicated by the failure of the narrative to coalesce?  Was he feeling that he was at the mercy of the corporate world and somehow unable to see his own role in his undoing?  Would it have been false to have him articulate something that was beyond his ken?  Perhaps we are, like so many in his life, left to put together the pieces and to clean up after the mess that he has created.  

If Ray Kroc's life wasn't as dastardly as it was depicted as being in The Founder, I think we learned something about corporations and corporate greed.  This series, in contrast, did not teach us as much as it might have about personal greed, and the hunger behind it.  We came close to understanding the pathos of personal hunger in the third episode, but the series couldn't quite master just how darkly that very human vulnerability may have been expressed in the life of someone who flew as close to the sun as Halston did. 



To access a narrative description of other posts on this site, link here.  For a subject based index, link here. 


To subscribe to posts (which occur 2-3 times per month), just enter your email in the subscribe by email box to the right of the text. 

  

Friday, June 18, 2021

Bo Burnham’s Inside: Covid Chronicles IXX

Bo Burnham Inside Meaning, Psychology of Bo Burnham's Inside, Psychoanalysis of Bo Burnham's Inside  


 


Bo Burnham’s Inside is a Netflix special that he wrote, filmed, starred in and directed during the pandemic.  It is self-indulgent, self-obsessed, mildly and disturbingly funny, and, in many ways a tellingly interpretive first take on aspects of the shared experience that we engaged in alone or in very small groups – living under shelter in place orders during the first year and half of the pandemic.

The setting for this special is a small house that is oddly proportioned.  Spare and clean at the beginning, but increasingly cluttered as the year and the special move along (though the arc of the special is not a particularly linear one), the space is revealed in greater and greater detail.  The house, as it were, is engaged in a strip tease.

Meanwhile, Burnham did, too.  He lost more and more clothes as he grew more and more hair and we were treated to a burlesque style tease.  The irony of the title and the tease is that very little of Bo’s psychological interior is exposed.  We are more and more aware of his surface as he focuses more and more on the ways that we are engaged in looking at various surfaces while sheltering in place.



The special, then, feels like watching someone masturbate, and the object of their fantasy is, oddly, themselves.  Burnham is a very attractive man who is incredibly talented.  And he is, as he says, a white man, and white men, as he says, have been incredibly self-indulgent for a very long time.  And then he pours himself into indulging in himself.

He is a white man, looking in a mirror, finding himself erotically attractive, and masturbating as an expression of his love for himself.  It is interesting, then, that he uses only one mirror on the set.  The camera is the primary mirror – the primary lens through which he views himself – and he points out that we join him in viewing himself through our screens.  But there is a distance between him and us.  We are clearly in a different space from him and we are disconnected from him.



Burnham lampoons commentators by lampooning himself commentating on his own work.  In a very cleverly conceived and executed sketch, comments on his song, on his commentary on his song, and on his commentary on his commentary.  And despite the ways in which the commentary clarifies what is going on in the song, there is derisive tone – as if his commentary and, by extension, mine is not a way of creating a psychological space to appreciate art, but a waste of time and a further sign of our self-involvement (and my defensive tone may be an indication of how close to home this hit!).

There is a delightful song about girls on Instagram that is accompanied by Bo posing with the objects and in the scenes that depict what he is singing about being posted on Instagram and that “we” are looking at on Instagram.  And this sketch – this song – is really mean.  All the cutesy pictures feel – fake.  They depict a world that is too cute to be true.  And Burnham’s attitude towards the girls is arch and demeaning. 

But Bo has also been mean to Jeff Bezos, the internet (or more precisely our being sucked into the internet), and commentators.  We begin to realize that Burnham’s hatred it not just directed at the world, but at himself.  He is an object of desire, and he has an arch and demeaning attitude towards himself for that very thing.

So on some level, this special would feel very small and unsatisfying.  Who wants to sit and watch someone hate themselves and everything around them?  But on another level it is fascinating precisely because this is what we have all done (or at least I have done) at some point – or at many points – during the pandemic.

We have been afforded an extended period of time during which, even if we are busy doing lots of things, as Burnham is here, we are in our own company much more that we were used to being before the pandemic.  We see Burnham thinking through things and we see the product of that thought – he has been hard at work, as have we.  But we have been isolated.  We have been inside.  Inside our homes – but also inside our own minds.  And what have we found?

Burnham’s answer is that we have found surfaces rather than depth.  Rather than spending a yearlong retreat learning about the depths of our souls, we have wasted time with lots of bright and shiny objects that have been brought to us by the internet.  This may be texts from friends, it may be goodies delivered by Amazon, it may be face timing with our parents (his routine of FaceTiming with his parents is a classic adolescent/parent interaction) and it may be reading or writing, oh I don’t know, blogs.  But these things, at least as I watch Burnham, have not enriched us, but have enhanced our sense that, in our aloneness – in our isolation, we are pathetic.

Below this, as it were, when we peel back our pathetically narrow lives, we discover that we are people who have what we do because we have exploited others.  We sit safely in our homes while Jeff Bezos grows rich off of the people who sort our goods in his warehouse and deliver them to our doorstep. 

We are pathetic because, really, what do we have to complain about?  We are safe inside and everything that want or need can be brought into this space, cluttering it up.  And we are able to be safe inside because we can command others to do our dirty work for us (as Bo commands his sock to sing the words to his song even when the sock doesn’t want to).  And we should, I think, be ashamed of the privilege we enjoy.

As the stay in place orders around here come to a close – as we are reopening – there is not the burst of joy, at least for me; which many had predicted.  Instead we had vaccinated friends over – and compared notes on the year.  We had a family gathering to celebrate the reluctant son’s graduation – and, though it was the first gathering like it in over two years, it also felt like this is how things should be.  There was a kind of grudging normalcy in the quality of it rather than a joyous sense of enthusiasm about our sharing space together (though we were excited about the graduation).  And going to the local ballpark, where fans having suddenly multiplied and are parading around unmasked, is terrifying.

Burnham, as this special limps to a conclusion, seems less than excited about emerging from his refuge.  He states that he had just screwed up his courage to return to the stage – a place he had been avoiding for five years as he was attacked by panic attacks on it – when COVID hit.  He seems fearful here, though, less about performing – in fact, he seems to crave and revel in it (imagining adoring fans) – than about emerging.  From inside.  Perhaps from a place that, when it doesn’t seem empty, feels shameful.  And having the emptiness and the shame exposed to himself is something that he cannot imagine not being seen by others (it is the text of the special, after all – though there is the sense that, in making this, it was an imaginary space he inhabited – that perhaps we all did when we were inside), but now that we have been inside, we will bring what we discovered there out into the open for all to see – and to scoff at – as we have scoffed at ourselves – at our pettiness – when we were inside.

To access a narrative description of other posts on this site, link here.  For a subject based index, link here. 

To subscribe to posts (which occur 2-3 times per month), just enter your email in the subscribe by email box to the right of the text. 

  For other posts on COVID:

I:       Apocalypse Now  my first posting on COVID-19.
II:      Midnight in Paris  is a jumping off point for more thinking about COVID.  (Also in Movies).
III:    Hans Selye and the Stress Response Syndrome.  COVID becomes more normal... for now.
VI:    Get back in that classroom  Paranoid ruminations.
VII:   Why Shutting Classes Makes Fiscal Sense A weak argument
XIII: Ennui
XIV. Where, Oh Where have my in-person students gone?  Split zoom classes in the age of COVID.
XVIII.    I miss my mask?
IXX.      Bo Burnham's Inside Commentary on the commenter.

Sunday, June 6, 2021

COVID Chronicles XVIII: I miss my mask?

 COVID personal reactions, psychology of covid, psychoanalysis of covid, chronicles of the pandemic.




Our enthusiastic governor has discontinued mask wearing for “those who are not vaccinated”.  He has also tried to encourage those who have not been vaccinated with a “vax- a- million” campaign where, if you are vaccinated, you can enter your name in a lottery to win a million dollars.  Of the three winners so far, one of them seems to have been convinced to get vaccinated by the campaign. 

Both opening up and the vax-a-million campaign seem to me to be nakedly aimed at the electorate who will be deciding whether to put the governor back in office.  After a year and a half of making decisions based on health data – decisions that have led the legislature, which is dominated by his own party, to threaten impeachment and to try to curtail his power, he appears to have caved.  At least so far, this seems to be consistent with the numbers that are declining and that look quite good - better than we could have expected.  We will see in a month whether all those unmasked hordes at the baseball game on Tuesday's "re-opening night" were attending a super-spreader event.

Yesterday, the reluctant wife and I went grocery shopping together for the first time in a long time.  Though we were masked, we ran into people at the supermarket who were not for the first time in over a year.  We also did not have to stand in line to go into the store.  I know the mask is not a protective shield.  It protects those around me who, presumably, are at low risk because I am vaccinated, but I feel naked and unprotected without it. 

Last night we had our first dinner guests in over a year.  Continuing our experience of the year, we ordered in from our new favorite Taco place.  When I ran to the place and picked up the order with my mask on, about half of the staff were wearing them, though they were decidedly casual about how much of their face was covered.

We had eaten outdoors with our guests when it was quite cold earlier in the year, but this was our first time seeing them inside.  We compared notes about where we secured our once a week eating-in meals during the pandemic, and we agreed that the better restaurants did not do take out well.  Our own cooking was better than high end joints’ take out.  Asian restaurants – across a wide variety, and a very local Lebanese restaurant, as well as pizza joints and Italian restaurants presented the most reliable delivery/take out options. 

This morning, we met some friends passing through town for breakfast, and it was the first time we had been served in a restaurant in a year.  It felt oddly decadent – I wanted to thank the wait staff who served me much more frequently than is socially acceptable.  I wanted to say - "No, I can get that."  

There has been a lot of concern about the food service industry surviving – on the corporate and the individual level.  Our servers were middle aged – not kids doing summer work.  This is their adult job.  The restaurant was full and the service seemed slower than it likely would have been – perhaps they were a little understaffed.  They were also rushing to meet the needs of the restaurant so we didn’t chit-chat about their experience of being back at work – but I think I was also self-conscious about talking to someone who didn’t have a mask on whose vaccination status I did not know.  It also felt like being a tourist and asking the locals about what it was like to live in this location.

As I near the end of this rather brief report, I am noticing that I continue to be a Nervous Nelly.  I can cite figures that support the reasons for this.  95% Effective means that five per cent of those who were in the trials and practicing social distancing and being around people wearing masks when not distancing, and came down with COVID had been vaccinated.  I have an innate disregard for low probability events. 

OK.  I admit it.  I signed up for the vax-a-million lottery.  Will I win it?  I won’t say no, even though there are fewer and fewer drawings left…  And I have an even higher aversion to low probability events with a bad consequence.  Maybe that comes, in part, from having treated people with low probably disorders throughout my adult life.  Not likely to happen, but when it does, you don’t want to have it.  And COVID is one of those things I don’t want to have.

Mostly right now I am struggling to stay ahead of my readings for the summer class I am teaching (It is a small virtual class that is going well – though the amount of reading assigned is ridiculous – who did that?).  I am looking forward to having a group of people in our home next week to celebrate my reluctant son’s graduation from college.  They will all be family and they will all be vaccinated, and it will be great to be together again and to be having something to celebrate together – and eat together – and be together.

It is odd, I guess, that this coming celebratory moment seems so natural and so expected.  There is a sense of surreality that the last year has happened at all.  There is also the strange belief that it isn’t over yet. That the Europeans will prove much smarter than us, and, by opening up prematurely, we will cook up all sorts of nasty variants that will make the problem worse.  And the advertisements that feature people in masks already seem dated. Because this is over, isn’t it?

Oh, what strange times we live in….

To access a narrative description of other posts on this site, link here.  For a subject based index, link here. 

To subscribe to posts (which occur 2-3 times per month), just enter your email in the subscribe by email box to the right of the text. 


For other posts on COVID:
I:       Apocalypse Now  my first posting on COVID-19.
II:      Midnight in Paris  is a jumping off point for more thinking about COVID.  (Also in Movies).
III:    Hans Selye and the Stress Response Syndrome.  COVID becomes more normal... for now.
VI:    Get back in that classroom  Paranoid ruminations.
VII:   Why Shutting Classes Makes Fiscal Sense A weak argument
XIII: Ennui
XIV. Where, Oh Where have my in-person students gone?  Split zoom classes in the age of COVID.
XVIII.    I miss my mask?
IXX.      Bo Burnham's Inside Commentary on the commenter.

  

Conclave: Leadership, surprisingly, requires uncertainty

Conclave Movie, Psychology, Psychoanalysis, Leadership, Uncertainty  Conclave This is a film about uncertainty.   I am going to be an advo...